feel so restless, tired, bored, bla bla bla.. like sick but not sick like that.. just keep thinking.. missing her..

i really hate myself seriously. WHY AM I A VEGETARIAN?? just cant get over it.. this is the main problem thats making me so fucked up. IF I'M NOT A VEGETARIAN den i guess these will not happen already. i really love her.. thats why i'm considering to give up this relationship. i know we're very happy when we chat/message/play games but i just cant help but think of the future.. really cant zhou yi bu kan yi bu for this. i'll be wasting her time and it would only be more hurtful in the future when we fall apart. i know it in my heart that it would certainly end someday because i'm a vegmonster.. watched in shows/movies or stories usually ppl can give up eveything sometimes even their life for their lover but i just cant give up being a stupid vegetarian for her because i would be worst than a beast by eating the innocent animals god created just because i wan to be with her.. i'm sorry really.. and life is precious i dowan any of us to give up our life just because of this.

i know some movies/dramas also often show couples/friends telling each other to be each others husband/wife in the next life. if only i could do so.. based on my knowledge for my religion there will never be another life for me and the other ppl in this religion. haiz so i guess it'll be the last time i'll live in this world. good/bad? i think good ba..

i know she loves to eat meat so i wouldn't want her to stop eatting meat cause of me. no one should change themselves for the sake of being with their love ones because i believe there wont be happiness like that. i love her so much that i want her to be happy ALWAYS. the most important thing to let her be happy is to let her find another man who can be better than me definitely or at least! same as me and must not be another stupid vegetarian.

i shouldn't waste any more of her time. i would be really selfish if i do so knowing that someday our relationship will end. its because i love her that i'm giving up not because i hate her or i dislike her. I love everything about her i swear upon my life. by far she's the best girl i've met, always giving me care/concern/happiness/sadness/love and making me smile a lot(like a silly person smiling to the com screen or handphone) / making me realize how much i mean to her. i know i mean a lot to her but she will have to let go in order to be real happy with other boy who can be with her.

I decided to give up because its really stressful because of the same stupid point(a vegetarian me) and since even her parents knew about us it only add on to my stress level. Worst still her mum even made sushi and agar agar easter eggs specially for me and my family. i am really glad her mum never disapprovc us being together?

i think we cant be considered together in real life because we're not boyfriend,girlfriend, i never went out with her even once, sit down together for a chat, hold her hands, kiss her etc. however i really feel a lot for her and i believe she too feel a lot for me in the handphone world, cyber world bgr. we "hugged"/"kissed"/"massage"/cheer up/support each other and love each other in this handphone/cyber relationship and even call each other dear/dar.. i guess it should all end already. no more giving false hopes/ promises to one another.

i remembered receiving a few messages from her telling me she can and will wait for me after doing my NS den we stead and that she dun mind me being a stupid veggie. to say the truth i was really touched when i read those messages from her. but NO i shouldn't let her wait/give up the meats she loved just to be with a man like me(useless when it comes to love/relationship, dunno how to comfort a girl, dun come from a rich family, not good-looking) even if i'm with her i will only feel like a toad/cow dung with a swan/flower/angel. lai ha ma chi tian er rou/xian hua cha zai niu fen shang.

its all my fault that things come to this.. i should not have started this relationship in the first place. but i did so because i tot she got relatives who are vegetarians so it'll be easy if she can also become a vegetarian and be with me happily but i was wrong none of her relatives were vegetarians. they just eat vegetarian food more often but still eat meat. =( but i dun blame them haha only blame myself.. i'm dumb wad haha.. i'm sorry for already wasting so much of her time, making empty promises, giving her false hopes that we can be together in the future.

this time i know i must have hurt her very seriously because of all these broken promises false hopes. yesterday when i took bus to sch in the morning i think i manage to see her back view as she alighted from the bus heading towards the overhead bridge to her school.. she was carrying a sky blue sling bag strap and she looked so down and upset.. i feel very sad but i know if i carry on this relationship with her she'll only be more hurt than this in the future which i dun wish to happen. i want her to be happy smiling laughing with her love one.

i want to say: "roxanne i know you must be very hurt and its all caused by me but please understand this i end it because i want you to be happy.. so please be happy and not feel sad cuz of me and dun wait for me,hoping we can still be together again because we wont be together thats for sure.

There are better boys out there and you're still young so do not be scared nobody wants you. beauty is in the eye of the beholder just like how beautiful you are in my eyes all the while..

i guess its true that cancer and gemini aren't that compatible haha.. cancer is faithful while gemini can be real good lovers but only for a short while. i believe thats so right. even god doesn't want to let us be couples in audition eveytime i play couple dance with you. wo men zhen de mei you yuan fen..

thanks for loving me so much and being there always for me. Sorry that i wont be able to give u any more love and happiness.. i hope the next lucky guy will be able to do so just for you. wo shi ying wei tai ai ni cai fang qi ni de.. you're like an eagle caged up by me there will not be happiness being with me de. I plucked up my courage to give up this relationship and wo zhen de hen she bu de ni dan shi zhi yao ni kai xin, yi qie dou shi zhi de de.. it will be worth it if u can be happy..

dun worry we can still be bf gf best friends good friends dun have to ignore each other k? but if u want to hate me detest me curse me ignore me i also dun mind la since i'm the one who brought this upon you. If i found out you are always unhappy because of me.. den i wont friend you anymore and also hate myself. so u MUST be happy.

Our love has ended but i hope its a memorable first love for both of us in the handphone/cyber world. i will never forget being loved so hard by you, dear.. one last time i'll call you dear alright? also dun call me dar anymore k? PLEASE also dun let this affect your studies or i will feel very bad.. you dun wish me to feel bad do you? promise me you'll study hard and play hard at the same time.

can see that u really enjoy being in Npcc and there surely would be nice guys in Npcc or maybe the "top scholar" whom i think is a boy right? i do feel a little jealous ^^ btw today i went downstairs to check the letter box area twice if u left anything for me but i really didn't find anything. i'm worried that ppl would have taken it,thrown it away but i also thinking if u didn't put anything because i told you not to. hopefully its so ba.. if u really got put den i'm very sorry.. i didn't receive it. nvm dun have to do again or wad. its over between us. we dun have to do these things for each other anymore. no more videos no more letters no more hearts no more me..

if you're sad cry it all out because i felt much better after crying out my heart in the night and even tearing when i'm typing this now =( i really cant bear to let you go but i have to.. without you everything would not be the same anymore but dun worry.. the next time before i start a bgr i will make sure that person is also a full-time vegetarian like me if i cannot find den i stay single lor nvm one =D BUT you cannot ar.. you confirm can find de because you not vegetarian finding a boyfriend/husband will be very easy because you are really a very nice girl unlike me a vegetarian and not good somemore.. i have to strike out all non-vegetarian girls no matter how good they are.

haha if next time u become full time vegetarian and is still single tell me =) just kidding.. find also find other better de hor not me. I know you love meat thats why i dowan you to give up meat because of me. maybe if u give up because of religion den is good. the reason to be a vegetarian MUST NOT be because of ur lover but is because you really understand the purpose and benefits. hey hey dun think i'm trying to tell u be vegetarian ar.. u dun have to.. waddeva it is u can happy can le hor. but i can tell u being a vegetarian is very xin ku de in my point of view la. because not everywhere also can find vegetarian food. but in singapore is already considered one of the easiest countries to find vegetarian food le. some other countries really very very very difficult de. And i dun like to make my friends to trouble themselves when we go out together.. i just want them to be happy also. so bottomline is i feel being a vegetarian is very xin ku de but i admire ppl who are vegetarians because they can take it and even starve just to save the many innocent animals.

some ppl think we're stupid and dumb by treating animals so highly but i believe animals are same as humans they have feelings they feel pain just like we do.. they do not deserve all these sufferings and becoming food of human. wadeva la and i feel its very funny la animal protection associations protect dogs cats endangered animals only still call animal protection meh? wad about the pigs/cows/lambs/chickens etc that they themselve is eating? killing is even worst than abusing leh.. kill still nevermind EAT leh..

haiz but is quite impossible la if want everyone to stop eating meat. the world is so big with so many people.. but i just hope as many ppl as possible will turn vegetarian at least lesser innocent animals will be killed. stop eating meat and there wont be any reason for slaughter of animals.

Roxanne i'm really sorry but i hope you understand why ok? the love you showered on me is deeply carved on my heart and mind. you look very pretty when you smile so smile more ^^ i dunno if u understand the craps(not the crab u said was yummy the other time) above but maybe you will hate me and never talk to me again. one last hug and kiss for you *hugs and kisses lips* thank you Roxanne Theng Yong Ning.."

"IF only i was not a vegetarian.. maybe we would be the happiest couple.. IF only.."