I was awarded with this prestigious award : Maintenance Professional Of The Year as shown above. Definitely elated of course, and i really thank the people who recognise my effort and thank you to the people who moulded me to become who i am today in terms of working mentality and style. "Black Horse" is what some people called me because they didnt expect me to win this award as compared to 2 other competitors. Of course being labeled the "Black Horse" isnt a good thing at all because i hoped that people will accept me and recognise me instead of looking down on me just because they dunno me and dun see my contributions. However i understand that this world isnt perfect, so there are bound to be people like that. I'll just ignore them and continue to do what I'm doing so far.
And the most recent achievement that I've unlocked is conquering Six Flags Magic Mountain alone! wahahaha can't believe i actually did it. Btw my definition of conquer in this case is just the "Maximum Six Flags Thrills" as shown below with the description of each ride. For more info just go youtube and search for the ride to know what i went through haha.
I also took the LEX LUTHOR : Drop of Doom - The world's tallest vertical drop ride. And Colossus - Dual track wooden roller coaster. I have to say that Colossus is one of the most emotional ride that i took. Because as i was queuing up for the ride, they were playing Bruno Mars - When I Was Your Man which stirs my emotion and also the ride is going reverse all the way.. you really have no idea what is going to happen haha. And it also got me emotional because as i was going reverse on the tracks, all the memories started to flash past me and I really really really wished I was going back in time to salvage the lost relationship. I'll come to that later. I didnt cry of course but just watery eyes haha. I swear that taking all these rides is not easy at all.. at least not for me even though i loveeee rollercoasters.. just halfway through my mission i already am feeling nausea lol! But maybe its because i didn't take breaks in between the rides so I'm pushing my body to the limit so as to say. And also i didn't drink or eat haha. So after i felt really nausea i started looking for food and this is what i found :
Cheesebread!
It tasted alright only but still better than can't find any food. And then after eating there's this store beside me which sells the merchandise and there were super heroes capes! Haha and without much consideration I decided to buy the Superman cape, a reminder for me to stay strong even when faced with problems. And i requested for the cashier to help me take this epic photo lolololol :
So after that i continued with my mission and at the end of the day, i also purchased quite a lot of Superman merchandise like shirts and a mug. All in all i enjoyed myself and i would say that this is the most awesome theme park I've ever been too and as stated, it is the "thrill capital of the world" and I'm proud to say I've been there, done those haha..
Next up, the reason why I was in Los Angeles(LA) is mainly on a quest to get my FAA Powerplant Rating, another easier to understand description would be Aircraft Engine Specialist License. And seriously i spent like 3 full days in the hotel mugging and burying my head in the study notes.. during these period i was going through a lot too. Due to loneliness and then my scumbag brain just wants me to think of "her" and thanks to this i had a really hard time studying lol. I did silly things like pen-tattoo a Superman logo on my wrist as the letter S reminds me of "her" and i also wrote"在一起好吗？" on my hand, took a pic and sent her.
So silly of me.. but it was really from my heart but all i get from her was to focus on my studies. Anyways, i passed the exam and got the license! :
Super happy you can see from that wideeeeeeee smile there haha. USD$500 never go to the drain phew.. And then after that i went to a shopping mall recommended by this tester. And after some walking inside i realised the mall is more for the rich because majority of the brands are high-end branded brands and i cant even afford to step into the shop =X
Okay.. now is the bad/sad changes/happenings recently..
About 2 months+ ago i initiated a breakup with "her" due to some minor arguments/unhappiness.. At that point of time i guess i was really not thinking in the right state of mind. I was just tired from all the unhappiness and my patience was getting lower and lower.. I came to a point whereby i told her i couldnt take it anymore. I cant tolerate any forms of unhappiness in our relationship and that I'm meant to be single, she should move on and find someone else. As usual she was sooo upset and like i've said i wasnt thinking in the right state of mind. So i pushed her away, told her we shouldnt contact each other for quite some time and that i might not even be able to be her friend again. Throughout these 2months+ i drank beer when i got upset losing her yet all i think was it's impossible, im meant to be single and all the best for her in finding a new love. And so.. just before i went to LA for my FAA powerplant rating, i couldn't take it anymore. i text her! unbelievably but true.. i was like "Hey Sherry, how are you?" of course it took me quite a while to hit the "send" button. But eventually i hit it and was keep checking my phone for her reply. Keep checking to the extent i am like a mad man.
And then she replied and we text for a while as friends until there was this text which she sent and it was when my heart really disintegrated.. the text was saying she moved on from the relationship for "quite some time" already and that really hurt me so bad.. of course im not comparing the amount of hurt here.. i know i must have destroyed her too. I guess that text hurt me because all along i was in self-denial.. denying that we can be together but the truth deeply buried inside my heart was that i still want her. And the fact the she moved on was bad enough but "moved on already for quite some time" and its only like 2months+ with the quite some time does it mean she moved on just after few days or 1 week or something? i swear that the pain i felt at the moment is the most painful heartache ever. I burst out in tears and i cried like a baby literally while driving to Walmart from airbase. I never cried so hard before..
And furthermore one of the later text i asked if anyone had chased her so far, and i told her its just curiosity but deep down it's because i was worried that she got attached already. Then unexpectedly the answer i got was yes and it was a china guy. No offence here but the Sherry which i knew hated China people and now she actually was in a relationship with a china guy?? Heart further broken of course.. the good thing i thought at that moment was that the relationship didnt last as both of them couldnt see a future in the relationship. From this point of time my mind started to think properly already. I want this girl back! I cannot let this type of thing happen anymore! I must get her back no matter what! And so i was in LA texting her, asking her to give us another chance. She kept asking me to focus on my studies first and honestly i looked on the bright side. I told myself that i still stand a chance to salvage this relationship, I can get her back after i pass the exam.
After the exam that night as i was returning to my hotel room, i received her ultimate heartbreaker messages combo.. She said she is glad that i passed the exam but in fact she wanted to tell me that it's impossible for us already, just that she was worried it would affect my exam. She said she is no longer the same and so am I. She cant see a future in us anymore and she wants to focus on her career and future. My heart felt like it stopped beating after reading the text. She also said that she is no longer a vegetarian, she started eating seafood. At this point of time my heart already cant feel the pain of such things. For a moment which seemed like forever, i gave up. I thought of suicide and smoking my life away but of course i didnt do it after considering i have the responsibility of taking care of my dear parents and i cant hurt them. I thought hard and i knew i cant just give up like this. And so, i started fighting for her, for us once more. I told her that it is ok, i wont need her to be a vegetarian and that i can even give up being a vegetarian just to be with her again. I can do ANYTHING just to be with her. Thinking back I was really trying so hard so hard.. Result? No way.. and that i was called a selfish and self-centered guy for "doing what i want" and "spoiling her holiday" as she was in bangkok with a friend and that i broke up with her knowing that she was having her fashion project submissions and caused her bad results. And she said, "if you are willing to do anything, just move on from this"
That last message from her did it.. my heart stopped beating for "us"..
Initially she said she dun blame me for the end of this relationship as "it takes 2 hands to clap". But now she's blaming me for being selfish and self-centered. True enough i admit it was really my fault for being selfish and self-centered but why didnt she blame me in the first place and tell me "it takes 2 hands to clap"? And why was i "spoiling her holiday" when i was actually fighting for us to be back together.. i was hoping she would appreciate my fight and see that its worth giving us another chance and be happy together again. Who knows that she sees it as "spoiling her holiday" instead. Imagine if we got back together.. wouldnt that make her holiday even more enjoyable knowing that we are back together once again? my heart really just died.. And all along her bad results were mostly caused by her "last minute" style of working and now she just blame everything on me? And who is the one who stayed by her side helping her with her last minute work, doing her work for her and now gets unappreciated. Consoling her whenever she didnt do well for her fashion studies, encouraging her, motivating her to do better the next time, advising her not to skip lessons and do last minute work again. I'm really so so so broken..
Anyways i have to admit throughout these 5 years both of us have really changed drastically. From the previous posts and earlier as i read them all i see is innocent, true pure love for each other. So full of sweetness and fairy tale like love.. all those hardships we went through like romeo and juliet, parents objection, meeting secretly, to officially together. The girl i fell in love in the first place is this shy, innocent girl. But slowly she started changing, from braces to no more braces, from specs to contact lense to colored contact lenses, from not putting lipstick to putting lipstick, from dressing innocently wild to more revealing dressing, from non-heels to heels. Yes, i allowed her to change. But of course imagine if i forbid her to change, wouldn't that make me a master? I love her and she isnt my servant or maid. Its just that her change got more and more especially on appearance. Okay, I'm a very easy jealous and old-fashioned-thinking guy. I dun expect my girl to wear revealing clothes or put make-up or dress wildly. All i wanted was a girl who does the opposite but of course its alright to dress up for special occasions or celebrations. Maybe it's because of all these changes, subconsciously the love started fading and also i took her for granted after breakups after breakups. I swear with my life that i really hate mentioning breakup. I love her! so much.. It's just that my patience got lower and lower after each breakup and my mind start to go haywire, always thinking of giving up.
But now, lessons learnt. I swear if i ever get to meet someone else who is to be my girlfriend, i will not let this painful history repeat itself. I promise I will cherish every moment with her, make her happy and i will also accept quarrels and arguments because its really stupid of me to end a relationship just because of quarrels and arguments and deeply fucking regret after that. Of course it depends, if we're really not meant to be together, forcing to stay together would only make both of us suffer. Right now of course I am not ready for another relationship. I hope i wouldn't take too long to be ready either because i really want to be an awesome boyfriend for someone and then start to settle down, get married and just grow old with this special someone. The only problem now is whether i will meet this special someone or would i be forever alone lololol. There's a lot more stuffs i wished i could pour out but i guess this post is already long enough for today. I really missed those memories. And its time to leave those feelings behind and move on..
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