im so afraid something will happen to me and sherry.. i just feel scared the closer we get.. losing her would be extremely terrible and horrible.. its like repeating over and over in me yet the fear gets stronger each time. my confidence is dying slowly, because of my studies and because of many other reasons. i'm so afraid i cant cope with my studies and end up wasting her time. afterall if i cant get a stable job or so i wouldnt be able to make her feel secure.. no sense of security.. then when a handsome rich hunk comes in between us, i wont be surprise if she go to that guy. at least she can pursue her happiness and lead a happy life. me? i'll just be a loner i guess. =( im really feeling terrible.. but i dunno how to express it out to anyone including sherry.. i dowan ppl to sympathise me or see me as a weakling. but it hurts.. i dun really feel secure.. its like we are fugitive running and running. i dunno how to put it in words but i really couldnt help but feel this sense of insecurity.. i really need her hugs and kisses, being with her, holding her hands, lying on her shoulder, talking on the phone.. but its like impossible? her parents too strict on her so she cant meet me or call me as and when she wants, she's very shy and it would just make me sound like a pathetic horny despo piece of shit la.. damn it man. sometimes i just think would it be better if we split up temporary till everything gets stable and her getting into a bgr would be something her parents allow.. but the thought of her doing her o's and that we loved so hard till i cant afford to lose her nor will she be able to lose me even for that few hours jiu kick away the thought le. and wad if some guy were there for her when she needed love and care desperately? that would be like the sequel from many tv dramas u noe.. "i will wait for you. me too" den later on see one of them with another man/woman. thats it man.. i really am scared of that happening to me if i were to do that.. i think i am thinking too much. but i cannot help it!!!! ass la im very stress and frustrated now..

just filled with fear la.. i scared even if we can officially stop this underground bgr and we start to have lots of time with each other, i scared our feelings will start off damn hot but end up cooling off, fade.. or we start to quarrel as we too much time with each other den bla bla bla.. i see other couples like tat and i very scared will happen to us. because i not good at comforting her and wad if because of all these and thats the end of us? i very very scared wad i typed now will come true. wad can i do???? i dun have the confidence.. im scared. wad if i decided to be a coward one day and fly away myself,avoid her and let her fly? will she fly? i dunno man.. i scared she will be disappointed with me if her birthday i didnt do up to her expectation?

i need to get xiao yu a nicer home with a filter system so i wont have to keep changing the dirty water and it wont have to tolerate the dirty water. i so scared she will fall sick and die leh. i feel like i got so much things to do. i need so much $ i need so much love i need to study and so many other things. if really december 21st 2012 really is the end of this world i wouldn't give a shit about all these already man.. would she rather be with me or her family? if is not me, the end of the world or not will be insignificant to me already. cause when we wan to be together that time we cannot but when we can runaway, she chooses not to. shit la i cant stop thinking so much sia.. am i crazy already? i wan to shout i wan to cry i am so scared.. awpfjmkslnvkejnblknrbrlke